Personal Care in a Montessori Home

Welcome to the April 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids and Personal Care

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles relating to their children’s personal care choices.

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I was really happy to see this topic come up, because I’ve been meaning to revamp our setup for personal care a bit and this was the perfect excuse. Regular readers know that my past life as a Montessori teacher has compelled me to set our home up with the principles of freedom and independence in mind, but I haven’t talked a whole lot about how we approach personal care routines. I have mentioned that I don’t set up much in the way of proper practical life exercises, because I feel like it makes the most sense to integrate them into home life in a natural way. The below shows how I have attempted to do that in a way that allows A, my 25 month old, maximum freedom and independence in the self-care routine.

The Bathroom

Central to A’s self-care routine is her newly reorganized bathroom shelf, which houses most everything she needs for personal hygiene.

Hand Washing

To give A easy access to the sink, we have a two step stool pushed up against it. Fortunately for me, it’s a double sink, so she and I each have our own designated spot and the stool doesn’t get in my way. I love that this allows us to wash up side by side, too – a time saver and an opportunity for me to model good hand washing as well as tooth brushing, etc. Beside her sink, I have a soap pump that is meant to be easy enough for her to push herself, but she usually needs help. I should replace this with a bar and a dish, but I keep forgetting. Right next to the sink sits the aforementioned bathroom shelf, the top of which holds a small hand towel that A can use for drying.

Face Washing

Also on the bathroom shelf sits a small basket of baby washcloths for face washing. They’re the cheap, thin kind, which I love because they’re easy for A to handle and to wring out herself. We typically get ready for our day after breakfast, at which time A often has food on her face. At this time, or any time that her face needs washing, instead of cleaning it for her, I invite her into the bathroom to assess the situation herself by looking in the mirror. She grabs a washcloth from the shelf, wets it in the sink, wrings it out, and wipes until she’s satisfied with the results. When she’s finished, she climbs down from her stool and pops the cloth into the pail. I won’t pretend I never have to give reminders, or point out spots she has missed, etc, but for the most part this is pretty independent, which is great for my child who does not usually stand for having things done to her.

Tooth Brushing

I think this part of the self-care routine has been the toughest for us. A does not like having her teeth brushed and, like most toddlers, is only just getting the hang of doing real scrubbing herself. For a long time, her version was actually gnawing on the bristles, which was a great start, but didn’t do much in the way of cleaning. I have had to come up with several new ways of getting her teeth properly cleaned, but we’re finally to a point now where she’s doing a pretty decent job all her own, and will usually agree to polite requests to let me do a bit of scrubbing, too.

The key to getting her excited about brushing was compromising on my desire to have only homemade toothpaste in our bathroom and buying her a “natural” tube with a cute picture of a baby on it. Not my ideal, but better to brush her teeth with less than perfect toothpaste than engage in power struggles, or not brush them at all. I’m hoping she’ll be satisfied with the same tube, filled with a homemade replacement when this one runs out (update: she is!).

Anyway, the toothbrushing routine is pretty standard. Each morning after breakfast, and each evening after her bath, A takes her toothbrush from the cup on her shelf, puts a bit of paste on it, climbs up to the sink, and scrubs. It really helps if I brush along with her, as this encourages her to make similar “scrubby sounds,” and keep at it for a reasonable period of time. As time goes on, I may add a sand timer that she can use to time herself as she scrubs, but for now our routine works. When she’s finished, everything goes back in the cup.

Hair Brushing

Also on the bathroom shelf is a little tray with A’s hairbrush, and beside that sits a small spray bottle of detangler. For this, I finally gave up on homemade solutions and started diluting a small amount of conditioner in water. She is still getting the hang of spraying in the intended direction herself, so I usually end up helping with that, and then she happily brushes. She thoroughly enjoys brushing her own hair, but because her curls are rather challenging to untangle without causing pain, I typically help with the back, with permission.

I don’t believe in forcing the issue, however, so every once in awhile we have a matted hair day because A just is not up for having me do any brushing. When we go out on these days, I try not to let concern over others looking at me like a negligent mother get to me too much. Bodily autonomy trumps silky locks in my book. My main concern is that A can take pride her appearance when she looks in the mirror. If she’s not bothered by the missed spot of food on her cheek or the tangles on the back of her head, that’s fine with me.

Toileting

We have practiced Elimination Communication since A was born, and have tried to give her as much freedom and independence with her toileting needs as each new stage has warranted. Until recently, she always wanted someone to come to the bathroom with her, but in the past month or so, she has started taking herself and often goes through the whole routine from start to finish by herself.

To make it possible for her to get up to the toilet on her own, we keep a small stool in front of it. The toilet itself has a seat reducer on top, which makes it easy for her to situate herself comfortably. We have a bamboo one which is much prettier for photos, but the molded plastic stays in place, and keeps her in place much better, so the bamboo has become our portable seat.

On the back of the toilet is a basket of cloth wipes, which are easy to reach from the stool. I never got out of the habit of washing them when we stopped needing cloth diapers, so we have continued to use them as they’re gentler on the bottom and eliminate any worry over too much paper clogging the toilet. The wipes are easy to reach from the stool and they go right into the pail after use.

The occasional accident, or miss, does still occur, which is why we have a stack of prefolds on the bottom of the bathroom shelf. When urine gets on the floor, A grabs a prefold to dry it up and that goes in the pail when she’s finished as well, along with any wet clothes.

When it’s time to get dressed in the morning or change after clothes have gotten wet, A chooses her own clothes from the closet in her bedroom, which we have made accessible to her by using a tension rod for hanging and a few baskets for things like underwear and socks. Many Montessori parents put together two complete outfits and put these somewhere accessible to the child so that they can choose one each day. This method is great, too, and ensures that the child chooses something appropriate for the weather. Fortunately for us, we live in the land of eternal summer, so virtually all of A’s clothes are appropriate every day.

I try to choose no fuss clothing that is easy to put on without help, but often A still prefers to have help dressing, which is okay with me. Independence to us is not something to force, but something to stay out of the way and allow. I start with the assumption that she is perfectly capable of dressing herself, but I’m willing to help when asked.

Shoes are lined up under a little bench in our entryway and A chooses a pair and, typically, puts them on herself. In our next home, I’ll mount small hooks on the wall inside the door for coats, but for now, well, eternal summer, so there’s no need for that.

 

The Kitchen

In the kitchen, we have a Learning Tower pulled up to a sink where A can wash her hands before and after eating. I have also mounted a small mirror onto the end of a cabinet so that she can check her face after snacks and lunch. Washcloths are available in a low cabinet and she can take one of these up to the sink just as she would in the bathroom, by using the tower.

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Things don’t always work as intended, and there are still challenges every now and again, but for the most part our system works just right for our family. Giving A a sense of independence and respecting her bodily autonomy keeps things relatively struggle free, and having a consistent system ensures that there are no surprises in terms of what’s needed each day. We’re constantly changing things as A grows and develops, and as our family’s needs change, but the basic principles remain and so far are serving us fairly well.

I would love to hear what works in your house, and I’m always up for recommendations on ways we might improve our current setup. I’m constantly inspired by ideas I see in place in other homes!

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon April 10 with all the carnival links.)

• Rub-a-Dub Co-Bathing in Our Tub — Bath time is more than soap and water! That Mama Gretchen shares how co-bathing with her toddler has opened up a world of cleanliness, learning, and bonding.
• This is How We Take a Bath — Shannon at GrowingSlower shares her special formulas for babywash and a happy bath time.
• How to Gently Trim Your Toddler’s Nails — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses some of the gentle suggestions she has received to help Little Man overcome his anxiety of having his nails trimmed, as well as how she copes with her need for his nails to be trimmed.
• Baby bath time and skin care — Ursula Ciller shares some simple and natural tips for bathing and skin care.
• Want Your Child To Love Getting Clean? Have Them Make Their Own Soaps, Shampoos, and Lotions! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her secret to empowering her daughter to “get clean.” Together, Jennifer and her daughter make their own body washes and lotions which makes clean up time fun!
• Encouraging Self-care Through Awareness… and Fun — Amy at Presence Parenting shares some tips on how to transform self-care from a struggle into an opportunity — for kids and adults.
• Caring for kids’ curls — Lauren at Hobo Mama tells you how to clean, condition, comb, and style ringlets and waves on little heads.
• Playing in the Rain — Jorje of Momma Jorje loves how her family has come to make a family event of showering!
• The Cleansing Power of the Football — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet talks about her son’s favorite bath buddy.
• Coconut Oil: Nature’s “Baby Magic” — Megan at The Boho Mama has only one must-have baby care item in her cupboard: Coconut Oil!
• For Sensitive Kids, Less Is More — Kadiera at Our Little Acorn finds less cleaning is better.
• Bathtime: Just Another Chance to Play! — Lyndsay at Our Feminist {Play} School discusses the many reasons bath time is important – getting clean isn’t one of them.
• Hygiene? What hygiene? — Sheila at A Gift Universe confesses some of her most embarrassing hygiene secrets.
• Confused About Chemicals? — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep describes how to find out where the toxic chemicals are in your house and tips on alternatives.
• Clipping Those Talons — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes the ways her daughter’s tolerance for personal care has changed over time, especially when it comes to nail clipping.
• Sit Back, Relax and Unschool Hygiene — Instead of focusing on tactics of how to ‘get’ your child to focus on hygiene, Authentic Parenting explains how to help your child internalize hygienic standards.
• Help! My Tot will not let me brush her teeth! — Mudpiemama shares five positive ways to help toddlers brush teeth and sabotage the tooth fairy’s secret conspiracy.
• Self Care and the Spirited Child — Amy at Toddler In Tow shares how a balancing act between independence and connectedness helps her spirited child learn appropriate self-care.
• Hairbrushing is a Safety Issue — Dulce de leche guest posting at Natural Parents Network explains that although tangles are not a safety issue, self-confidence and body boundaries are.
• 15 Ideas to Prepare Toddlers and Preschoolers for Dental Procedures — Dionna at Code Name: Mama is sharing ideas on how to thoughtfully prepare little ones for dental visits (particularly those that require anesthesia).
• Holistic Care of your Toddler’s Teeth — Erica at ChildOrganics tells a tale of her children’s teeth issues and how she uses homeopathy and good nutrition to keep cavities at bay.
• Bath Time Bliss : Fuss-Free Bath Time for Toddlers — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares how she has made bath time completely fuss free for both her and her toddler.
• Homemade Natural Toothpaste — City Kids Homeschooling hosts a guest post on a homemade natural toothpaste recipe that kids will love!
• Bathing Strike Strategies — Crunchy Con Mommy offers her best tips for keeping your little ones clean when they refuse to bathe.
• Bodily Autonomy and Personal Hygeine — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses the importance of supporting a child’s bodily autonomy in the prevention of abuse.
• A Tub Full of Kiddos! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment has kiddos who love the water, so bathtime is a favorite evening activity!
• The Trials of Tidying My Toddler — Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares the difficulties she has with getting her on-the-go son to be still enough to get clean.
• Wiped Clean — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen shares her recipe for homemade diaper wipe solution to clean those sweet little cloth diapered bottoms in her home!
• Snug in a Towel: Embracing Personal Grooming — Personal care is time consuming,especially with more than one child; but the mama at Our Muddy Boots is learning to embrace this fleeting and needful time.
• EC: All or Nothing? — Elimination Communication. Even the title sounds complicated and time consuming. It doesn’t have to, if you adapt it to meet your family’s needs, says Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy.
• Routine Battles — In a guest post at Anktangle, Jorje of Momma Jorje outlines a simple incentive to help inspire your little one to follow a routine.
• Redefining Beauty For My Daughter — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger relays her struggle to define her own femininity and how her preschooler unexpectedly taught her a lesson in true beauty.
• Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Three Girls In The Tub — Chrystal at Happy Mothering shares how she turns bath time into a few minutes of peace and quiet.
• Montessori-Inspired Activities for Care of Self — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has a roundup of Montessori-inspired activities for care of self and ideas for home environments that encourage independence.
• 10 Gentle Tips for Little Ones Who Hate the Bath — Kim at life-is-learning gives 10 tips to get your little one into the bath and maybe even enjoying it.
• The Boy With The Long Hair — Liam at In The Now discusses his son’s grooming choices.
• Personal Care in a Montessori Home — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares a summary of the ways she has organized her family’s home to make for easy, Montessori-inspired toddler personal care.
• Styling Kids — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is letting her kids decide what to look like.
• Clean Kids: Laundry and Bath Tips — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia shares tips on how to get your children helping with laundry plus recipes for laundry and liquid soap.
• How to Clean Your Children Naturally: A Tutorial — Erika at Cinco de Mommy shows you how to clean your children.
• Cleaniliness is next to… dirt — The lapse-prone eco-mom (Kenna at Million Tiny Things) sometimes forgets to bathe the kids. Except in the mud pit.